Doing Well

I saw the OB today and am doing well. I have to wait another week before I start running on the treadmill again. Until then, I will just walk briskly. I have done well to take it easy this week. Tomorrow I'm spending the day shopping, hopefully I'm good and rested up for that. Emotionally, I'm doing fine. I have waves of sadness here and there. Overall, it was a healing week and God carrying us through it all.

Celebrating Elijah James

I want to share how God has been working through this miscarriage. Sunday night I started spotting and then last night before bed, the bleeding started. Throughout the night I had some contractions, but nothing too painful. I thought I was hours away from passing the baby, but just to make sure, I got a strainer. I was very surprised when I caught the baby. I woke James up and said, "I've got him". He took him and rinsed him off, he was so tiny, about 3/4 of an inch long. Then came the placenta and that was it. I've been feeling fine. I could hardly go back to sleep at 3:00 in the morning as I marveled in awe at God's creation. I'd be happy to share more details in person, but some of you think this is already too much information.

God fulfilled His purpose for Elijah on this earth and I am blessed to have been His vessel to carry him. God has blessed me through this with His presence, His peace and His joy. He knew the number of days of Elijah's life before even one of them came to be and I am priveleged to be used by God in this way. And I am so glad I got to see our little boy and look forward to seeing him on the other side of eternity.

We celebrated Elijah's life today. This morning the kids and I painted rocks and then wrote on them. I wrote on mine his name, his dates: 8/24/10 - 11/9/10 (conception to delivery), and the words: "straight into the arms of Jesus" and "we love you". We painted one for James and when he got home at lunchtime, he wrote on his. When I saw his rock that said, "Your Daddy loves you" the tears started to come. We went out as a family, on this beautiful fall day, to the swings we have back by the woods. There James dug a hole and then read part of Psalm 139. He started weeping as he was reading and then I started crying and we stood there for a few minutes, just holding each other and crying. Then James prayed and after that I comforted Rachel who was crying uncontrollably. I'm sure it was quite a sight to see her Mom and Dad so sad. But what a good picture for the kids to see that this life is valuable and that we love him and this loss is difficult. It was hard, but it was good to bring closure and to honor little Elijah. He left this world too soon, according to our plan, but not according to God's.

This afternoon I got a good nap. I am trying to take it easy these next couple days. Today we took off school, but the kids will do school the rest of the week (as long as I am feeling well, as I have since the miscarrage). Two people are bringing us meals this week and tonight James is bringing home Chinese (a rare treat). It will be a good way to end this day of mourning our loss and celebrating his life. The kids will probably never forget this day and we pray that this lesson of how precious the unborn are will stick with them for their lifetime.

God is Good

I went to my ultrasound today and my suspicion was confirmed. I wasn't surprised to hear "no heartbeat". The baby measured about eight weeks. That's about when my morning sickness stopped. I think God has been preparing me this last week for this news. We are sad, but I have such a peace. The baby must have died in this last week and I believe God gave me insight into this. I knew something was wrong with the baby. I prayed for God to take the baby, if I wasn't going to carry to term or if there was something wrong with the baby, so that it would not live. I feel He has answered that prayer and I am thankful. I'm thankful for all His blessings in my life. I just got off the phone with the doctor's office and they said my levels were great (hcg and progesterone). They want to do a repeat test on Monday to make sure the baby is gone. I pray that before then my body takes care of him (we'll assume he was a boy) on it's own. Thanks to all of you who have prayed and continue to pray for us through this sad time.